Thursday, December 17, 2009

Rules for Hockey Parents

A good hockey pal (who also happens to be a long-time youth hockey coach) sent me this link to a hilarious piece from ESPN hockey writer John Buccigross. Every hockey parent should read this and I guarantee you will be laughing so hard you're sure to spit coffee (or whatever your beverage of choice) through your nose!

Two of my personal favorites: #7 and #9:

7. Yell like crazy during the game. Say whatever you want. Scream every kind of inane instruction you want to your kids. They can't hear you. In the car ride home, ask them if they had fun and gently promote creativity and competiveness, but only after you take them to Denny's for a Junior Grand Slam breakfast or 7-Eleven for a Slurpee. Having a warm breakfast after an early morning weekend game will become one of your most syrupy sweet memories.

Hockey Mom finds it hard to believe that they can't hear me. Heck, everyone within a five-mile radius of the rink can hear me. I prefer to believe they are suffering from "selective hearing" when I yell for the umpteenth time to "put your stick down" - you know, kind of the same thing goes on when you ask them a bazillion times to pick the socks up off the floor.

9. Missing practice (like we stated above) or games is akin to an Irish Catholic missing Mass in 1942. We take attendance at hockey games very seriously. Last week, the Islanders' Brendan Witt was hit by an SUV in Philadelphia. Witt got up off the pavement and walked to Starbucks for a coffee, and then later played against the Flyers that night. Let me repeat that: BRENDAN WITT WAS HIT BY AN SUV ... AND PLAYED THAT NIGHT! Re-read that sentence 56 times a night to your child when they have a case of the sniffles and want to stay home to watch an "iCarly" marathon. By, the way Philadelphia police cited Witt for two minutes in jail for obstruction. Witt will appeal.

Yes, I believe I mentioned this in a post last week. Trust me, I'll be using this one for a long time. "Mom, my legs are sore". HM: "You think your legs are sore! Brendan Witt got hit by an SUV and he was sore but he went to practice and then played the Flyers no less. Now go get your hockey bag and get in the car." Of course HM will not mention that Brendan Witt beat the hell out of the hood of the car that hit him first, but we're not gonna go there. Because as Buccigross's article so uniquely conveys, what we are trying to ultimately teach these kids is the value of working hard, valuing and respecting your team mates and your opponents and becoming upstanding citizens, all of which can be learned through the great game of hockey!


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Colleen ~~ Hockey Mom said...

This was a great article that I have forwarded to my hockey parent frieds! Very funny! As an aside (and a nod to my Flyers heritage), let's not forget about Ian LaPerriere, who took a puck to the face, lost 7 teeth and had 100 stitches in the locker room and came back out to play for the third period! now that's grit!

Anonymous said...

Yeah HM, it's true. On the ice, we can hear you but it's virtually all unintelligible noise. The voices bounce off the glass, walls, ceiling. Every once in awhile, a voice is recognizable, but not often. I'm amused by what I hear from people when I'm in the stands evaluating officials. I am thankful that on the ice, it all becomes noise.